I am estranged from my mother (and other family members) due to past family trauma.

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by my father. When I was 16, I disclosed this to my mother through a series of truly unfortunate events (details can be found in Caskets From Costco). We pursued legal action, and nothing happened – meaning, he was not convicted or trialed or jailed or anything like that.

A few months later, through another series of unfortunate events, he showed up at our home. My mother took him back, over my protests. A few weeks after that, he walked away, got a divorce from my mother, and married somebody else. So, yeah, Mother’s Day can be tough.

There are many reasons that this holiday can cause discomfort and pain. Here are some tips to help manage PTSD around Mother’s Day.

Make a Mother’s Day Plan

One of the ways to manage ourselves and PTSD triggers during Mother’s Day is to make a self-care plan. Here’s an example that might help.

Acknowledge what is difficult about the day. If you wake up and you can tell it’s a tough day, acknowledge that reality. Simple acknowledgement goes a long way toward peace.

Decide what you will not do. Many times, deciding what you will not do is far easier than figuring out what you like or want to do. For instance, I will NOT be doing the dishes that day.

Schedule everything, including rest, for that day. Figure out what you’d like to eat, do, and even wear (pajamas, anyone?)

Ask for help. Manage expectations, including your own. If you want or need something, ask a safe person in your life to help you out.

Focus on what you love. I don’t mean toxic positivity, where you pretend that you’re happy and “everything’s fine.”. I mean finding one tiny (or big) thing during a moment that you love. Maybe it’s the taste of chocolate on your tongue or the feel of your favorite sweater.

Making a plan is one of the proactive ways to manage triggers on a day of emotional landmines. This can help you stay present, which can be really difficult to do with PTSD.

Seek Peace with Grounding Techniques

One of the toughest things to do when having a trigger is becoming aware of it either right before it happens or when it’s happening. Awareness of triggers can help build in pauses – maybe the tiniest of pauses – where we are reminded to ground ourselves.

Here is a video I made of a breathing exercise that I like to do when I feel agitated.

Other easy grounding exercises include the 5-4-3-2-1 and the what I call “the color picker.” In the 5-4-3-2-1, count 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. With “the color picker,” look around and count how many things around you are red (or another color, if you prefer).

In a trigger emergency, I’ll share a secret with you that one of my therapists taught me. If you are agitated and feeling out of control, stand up and spin or twirl 10 times in a row. This taps into the where the vagus nerve hits the inner ear, and gives us a reset.

Be Gentle With Yourself

No matter what, let’s be gentle with ourselves.

We deserve peace, especially on Mother’s Day.

About Trauma Recovery & Grief Recovery Coaching

Kelly Wilson of PTSD Parent is a Trauma Recovery Coach and Grief Recovery Specialist. In 2020, she worked with a therapist and completed PTSD Remediation, a technique that uses the vagus nerve to eradicate PTSD triggers.

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