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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and grieving go hand in hand. Part of PTSD recovery is processing through an intense and complicated grief process.<\/p>\nPost Traumatic Stress Disorder and grieving go hand in hand. Part of PTSD recovery is processing through an intense and complicated grief process.<\/p>\n
Case in point: on Easter Sunday, I realized that I had not been hugged throughout my childhood.<\/p>\n
I mean completely trusting. Safe. Secure.<\/p>\n
My husband and I were watching a TV show where a daughter ran to her mother and they threw their arms around each other. The mother was on her knees, gathering the seven-year-old little girl in her arms. The camera focused on the mom’s face and then the daughter’s face: peaceful, tender, and completely trusting.<\/p>\n
I looked at my husband and said, “I don’t think I was hugged as a child. Not like that.”<\/p>\n
“Well, duh,” he said.<\/p>\n
This made me laugh. “Yeah, I know,” I said. “I’ve never been a hugger. But I don’t think I have realized this on a visceral level.”<\/p>\n
[Tweet “Part of PTSD recovery is processing through an intense and complicated grief process.”]<\/p>\n
It doesn’t surprise me that I hadn’t made that connection between my brain and body about hugging. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder created the disconnect that helped protect me\u00a0from years of trauma. The result is dissociation in my brain, where I don’t remember people or situations or events. I have blocks of time that I simply have no memories. I also may have flashbacks or nightmares where some of these memories show themselves.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, my body is what one massage therapist called, “Tighter than a brick shitbox.” One of my personal goals is to have the muscles of my shoulders relax completely. I have no idea what it feels like to have shoulders that are not knotted and hard as rocks. I am always on guard, hypervigilant and scanning for threats in my environment. Anxiety is an undercurrent, tensing my muscles until they ache.<\/p>\n
This type of muscle memory is like working in your yard and being surprised by a snake in the grass. Now, I have had a snake (non-poisonous) race towards me – I don’t think I’ve ever run that fast in the opposite direction. A snake in the grass is no laughing matter. The next time you work in the yard and see a coiled hose that resembles your little snake buddy, your body is going to jump and act as if it is a snake. That’s the muscle memory of PTSD.<\/p>\n
My body remembers the constant threat of danger and violation from those who were supposed to love me and care for me in healthy ways. Even though I have not been in direct threat for more than 25 years, my body remembers.<\/p>\n
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I don’t often think of PTSD with regards to all of the gifts it gives me. Grieving is a cleansing side effect of my post traumatic stress disorder.<\/p>\n
As I sat on the couch and realized that I had not been hugged in that way, I could have dissociated again. I could have tried to stuff down the feelings with food, as I have so many times before. I could have tried to drink my unhappiness away. I could have just ignored it altogether, making my muscles even tighter.<\/p>\n
Instead, I cried. I felt the intense pain of having missed out on that kind of love, protection, safety, and tenderness. The pain bloomed in my chest.<\/p>\n
I recognized the pain of grief, and I didn’t turn it away. I sobbed cleansing tears for that little girl who was alone and victimized and scared. I loved her, as she had not been loved before.<\/p>\n
What a gift.<\/p>\n
I can think of no better time for my brain and body to make this hugging connection than on Easter Sunday, a holiday focused on resurrection in a season of new life. In the recovery process for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, old stuff dies away. Behaviors and thoughts that do not serve me are put to rest – it may take enormous energy and plenty of years, mind you, but they are let go in the process of recovery.<\/p>\n
This leaves room for new stuff. Transformation. Healthy behaviors and thoughts and feelings to help in my recovery.<\/p>\n
Like tender moments with my own children, including hugs.<\/p>\n
![\"Caskets](\"http:\/\/www.wilsonwrites.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/CFC-front-cover-198x300.png\")
<\/a><\/h2>\nA Funny and Poignant Grief Book<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n For twenty years, I thought that I had been marching through the stages of grief in a straight line. I had been following the formula, crossing each processed grief experience off my list.<\/span><\/p>\n Except that I was totally deluded. And I didn\u2019t discover that until Jim, my beloved father-in-law, died. I found myself drying off from my shower the morning after his death, really hoping he couldn\u2019t see me naked. Or, if he could, that he was averting his eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n From that moment, my path through grief resembled a roller coaster, spiraling and twisting and turning, circling back around. Echoes of past trauma, including childhood abuse and cheating death, would no longer be ignored. I somehow needed to get from the beginning to the end of this grief adventure, and I don’t have a good sense of direction. <\/span><\/p>\n But what is always present during a journey through grief, regardless of the path chosen?<\/span><\/p>\n Hope.<\/span><\/p>\n Caskets From Costco<\/a> Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and grieving go hand in hand. Part of PTSD recovery is processing through an intense and complicated grief process. Case in point: on Easter Sunday, I realized that I had not been hugged throughout my childhood. I mean completely trusting. Safe. Secure. My husband and I were watching a TV show […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":207,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"\/\/ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com\/e\/ir?t=wilson069-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0997620803\")
Go Here to Read a Free Excerpt of Caskets From Costco<\/em>!<\/a><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"